Okay. My choice is a relatively easy one to make, chiefly because uniqueness of his universal name recognition and a magnetic persona that, for this individual, combine such that his renown has been sustained over the centuries, and even today he's known to the vast majority of mankind throughout the world – and not only among the first world, the literate and the educated, the wealthy, or the Internet-connected. What's more, Shakespeare's name and infamous contributions to the march and progress of human achievement rise so high to the heavens that-when either his name or legacy of works alone are invoked - in seemingly whatever context - people are inspired and moved with such a profound sense of wonderment and awe that we immediately confide to ourselves with precision the reasons why the great bard himself stands head and shoulders above anyone else as the person most deserving of an hour-long interview.
Yes indeed - I'm preparing in my mind even now for this forthcoming prime-time interview with William Shakespeare, the great man who many choose to affectionately call "Bill", as if he were a personal acquaintance, intimate friend, former English teacher or professor, or even a familiar, down-to-earth next door neighbor from whom one might ask for a few writing tips.
Now having said that, I'll admit that the very thoughts of my having an opportunity to meet and greet - never mind interview - one of the greatest minds of any age of this world is exciting beyond words. Shakespeare would immediately grasp this and understand completely my apparent loss for words, mere mortal and novice writer that I am, and precisely because he was one to never be at a loss for words, I'd of course be all the more perfervid and perplexed in my heart-pounding moment of tongue-twisted angst to have intelligible discourse with him.
One of the first things I'd put out there to Mr. Shakespeare for comment is his take on the so-called decline - or outright nihilistic destruction, as many who constitute the language police, guardians of the grammar grail and other such self-proclaimed standard-bearers of the English language might say - of our mother tongue. Now to my mind that's something everyone who speaks English will have an interest in learning about from the perspective of the man who was arguably the world's first and most gifted "great communicator" (one can speculate that, when Bonzo did actually go to bed, Ronald Reagan as once and future politician actually studied Shakespeare under the covers with a flashlight). And especially so because we can speculate that he'd certainly have something to say about all the hackneyed things we hear and read nowadays - from "yo, bro" and "hey, ho" to other common vulgar colloquialisms, song lyrics, movie scripts, and the like - the good, the ugly and the bad, and for better or worse - such as "analog nerd", "way cool" or perhaps the ubiquitous "sweet deal".
My guess is that it's the connotation of these clipped quips that likely would have been anathema to the royals, gentrified lords and ladies, patrons of the arts, and generally well-heeled circles that Shakespeare undoubtedly moved around in. So what do YOU think of all this trash-talking, netherheaded nonsense, Mr. Shakespeare?
This'll sure prove itself to be a lively and spirited warm-up topic for me to toss out there to Bill, even before we plunge into the in-depth interview questions that will be carefully woven and laced together so that all kinds of creative juices start flowing, and with all sorts of edgy and pun-filled repartee from the pre-eminent master of the art and craft.
My interview with Mr. Shakespeare would definitely explore the great sweep of social, political and economic issues that mark our modern times, from the phenomenon of 21st century ideoclash - the mammoth ideological clashes that divide and conquer us, and not just culturally - best exemplified perhaps not only by global terrorism and Islamic extremism, but also the persistent and pervasive problem of worldwide hunger, which in turn drives and exacerbates much of the turbulence, strife and troubles that inevitably result from such a deplorable state of human affairs all over the globe.
Knowing that the word "globe" will have special meaning and significance to Mr. Shakespeare, I'd of course pay homage to "The Globe" as well as the great latter-day virtues of Broadway, Covent Garden and theater generally, so near and dear to Bill's heart (and bank account, no doubt), and I'd then forthrightly dive into the deep end by asking for his candid assessment, analysis and considered opinion on all of the aforementioned weighty world issues.
Yes - I'd of course have prepared a full laundry list of supplemental follow-up questions, as well as fresh questions designed to elicit the most from this man in the least amount of time. Geepers, Bill - can you believe the program directors? They've given me just one miserly hour for this historic interview with you - and that's assuming, of course, no bothersome commercial breaks or other "sponsor message" interruptions.
Sorry, Bill - that's just the bitter pill and the way it goes in the 21st century fast lane.
The tongue-in-cheek tone I've adopted here should in no way beguile you away from the erstwhile and tremendously important take-away value that this interview with Shakespeare can have for everyone, whether you're a Shakespeare fan or not.
Of signal importance is that the world's knowledge bank will be handsomely enriched by advancing our understanding of how best to create the specific language required to frame and articulate matters under discussion in our own times, as well as how best to define with specificity the nomenclature of all that's on the table in such discussions. How? By listening to and analyzing what the great bard himself has to say, and HOW he says it, weighing in on these many matters. And why is this important enough for anyone to bother about? Because most of us are dizzy and reeling from the pace of accelerating change in our world, and frustrated with a language that, though accessible to and easily understood by all, lags far behind the whiz-bang of technology and spoondoolicks of lifestyle that have become the hallmarks of our modern times. What Shakespeare can help us to do is to rethink our language, reengineer it so that it works for everyone - in an individual as well as a socially collective sense - to deal with and overcome the challenges in our increasingly tech-centric lives, which in turn can help to make ours a better world to live in. After all, not all the tea in China can - and certainly not any single thing in the plethora of technologies and other marvelous marvels produced by our advanced "modern" civilization - changes the fact that it'll always be the human intellect, our minds - and of course the interpersonal relations and human transactions among and between us, which transform our thoughts into words, drive our deeds into actions, and all of which gives form, substance and meaning to the universe all around us.
Would you agree with this hypothesis, Mr. Shakespeare?
Shifting gears, Mr. Shakespeare, what exactly do you think about this spiderless thing called the World Wide Web, the Internet, the notion that today's world is actually once again flat, cell phones, electricity, the French Revolution, women's lib, internal combustion engines, man's lunar landings, Rock 'n Roll, heavy metal, heavy water, and all the other things you've been briefed in on as just some of mankind's developments, innovations and achievements since your death in 1616?
Yes, you're right, Helium reader. I may be getting ahead of myself here with all these nitty-gritty details of the interview, my approach and positioning, and some of the potential questions that I'd hope to ask and hope to have answered - even before I've convinced you, dear Helium reader, that Shakespeare should rightly be given top billing on tonight's program, sitting up there on the couch, right alongside yours truly, the anchor, seated in the chair that marks my place as the show's host - replete with jazzy glass table, coffee mugs and all the rest.
What am I referring, Helium reader? Well, for starters, you may very well know that there's swirling shades of scandal surrounding the authenticity of Bill's authorship. There are many who throughout the ages have bequeathed to us lingering arguments, doubts and hand-wringing - chiefly among scholars, literary pundits and other "experts" of all such stripes and affiliations - about whether Shakespeare really was the author of the works that history has attributed to him as his own, authentic, original creations.
The point here is clear - and quite salacious. If it can indeed be proven that the great bard had "heavily borrowed" or simply stolen from his contemporaries - if he committed what lawyers today call intellectual property theft by plagiarizing or outright "pinching" the work of others - then we'd have to re-write the history books, re-publish the plays and sonnets under the sobriquet of "anonymous" or some such thing, and undertake the gargantuan task of revising anything and everything that's come down to us, however remote and in whatever way rework all that is referenced, indexed, annotated, or otherwise linked to Shakespeare.
Who knows? You may very well find yourself watching the celebrity interview episode equivalent of the "Jerry Springer Show". Let's face it, folks - whom among us hasn't at least occasionally enjoyed watching a celebrity squirm under close scrutiny, the glare of the overhead stage lights, and the tantalizingly live, rapid-fire questioning?
To my mind, such a potentially scintillating moment with Mr. Shakespeare - one where something that "bleeds" will definitely prove the old saw by immediately "leading" to a feeding frenzy of sharks, piranhas and hyenas gathered like a pack of parasitic paparazzi bent on pursuit of lurid headlines that'll inevitably be splashed across all the network and cable TV news, radio, TV talking head programs, newspaper and magazine mastheads, not to mention the newsstand tabloids, and so on. Deep in your heart, Helium reader, you KNOW this sad fact of modern life to be true. And long ago, when he was busily writing away on a play, be it in London, or maybe scribing away at home alongside his wife, Anne, in his native Stratford, Shakespeare also knew very well, perhaps more than anyone who has ever lived, all that one needs to be know about this peculiarity of the feeding frenzy desire that resides in the human soul.
While there's no reason for us to actually suspect Shakespeare of any literary skullduggery, such persistent questions about the authenticity of his attributed works DOES tantalize the imagination, urge us on to learn more about this mysterious man, and come to know something of his genius by examining his personal and private life - his passions and interests, as well as his moments of personal tragedy, grief and despair - such as the heartbreak and suffering he must have undergone when his son, Hamnet, died at such a tender young age, denying him the chance to see his son become a grown man in his own right, at his side, which would have surely had a significant influence upon his great father's life and subsequent literary work.
It's all of this that constitutes the grist, pithy content and "riveting stuff" of great reporting, and especially so where celebrity interviews with greatness such as Shakespeare are concerned. In this respect, I'd therefore strive in our interview to get at the gist of something else about Shakespeare.
I'd hope to discover what it was that made his creative mind tick - much like the Curious Georges among us who are relentless about wanting to pop open minds as if they were a precision-crafted Swiss watch, and doing so just for the thrill of having that chance to carefully sift and examine what others have not, cannot or simply don't want to examine - scrutinizing all details of the mechanism to see how it all so seamlessly comes together to create great craftsmanship, if not outright perfection in its genius.
I'd hope in my interview to reveal to the world, for the first time, how it came to be that this man, at a level of genius beyond anyone's reckoning, was able to transform, invent or otherwise so cleverly cobble together the nuts and bolts of the English language of his day in ways that re-made it into something entirely new and original.
How was it possible for a man who'd never attended university to hone his mind and writing skill to such magnificence that he flawlessly - and certainly mellifluously - manipulated his contemporary speech into entirely new words, phrases and other linguistic innovations?
No one has the authoritative answers to any of these questions, and that's chiefly because Shakespeare left behind no diaries, logbooks, notebooks and letters, or anything else that could usefully give us clues and insights on the many matters we yearn to have clarified and known. This is but one very good reason why it's really high time for this interview, Mr. Shakespeare.
You may be rightfully asking yourself as you read this, Helium reader - at least given that you've elected to read this far at all - how it is that a "country boy" from England's rural interior develop the skill that allowed him to convey to us his deepest thoughts, observations and conclusions about the human condition with such appeal, conviction, authenticity and accuracy that they still reach out to, resonate and connect with people of all creeds, colors, languages and nationalities-right down to the present day?
What specifically was it - or if not one thing, then what multiple variables, factors and ingredients - combined to endow Shakespeare with such majesty of the mind?
Where along the way in his travels and travails, reading and discourse, as well as more abstracted highways and by-ways of thought process in his mind can we find evidence for what molded and shaped his keen insight and raw reasoning abilities to penetrate the darkest corners of the human psyche, expose the gut-level dynamics of the human soul, and cast such brilliant light of understanding for us on everything from individual pursuit of the heights of happiness, beautification and love, to the terrifying and haunted hallows of revenge, murder, and the rest of the seven deadly sins we've come to know and relate to so well as the harbingers of all evil that has pockmarked and otherwise marred the human condition for all ages, creating for many the very pits of hell they so desperately sought to sidestep, but which - by circumstance, fate or by unwitting will by volition - they've inevitably fallen into?
It may be helpful in trying to convince you that my interview with Bill is a "must-see" event, and so I proffer up an analogy to make the point that Shakespeare really is to mankind's intellectual prowess and pursuit of understanding and knowledge of the human psyche what a sumo wrestler is to his domain of expertise - at least in terms of sheer size, weight and physical dimension in that particular sporting endeavor. Shakespeare the man is one who rises to a height such that he cannot help but cast a forbidding shadow over all that lay below him - metaphorically speaking, of course - which is not unlike the sumo wrestler who looms equally large, in a strict physical sense, on the stage of his own prowess.
This is so not only because of Shakespeare's prodigious output of plays and sonnets, but also because he made fundamentally significant and lasting changes to the world in ways that continue to echo and reverberate all around us, touching almost every dimension of our lives, whether we're aware of it or not. Whom among us has not used (or tried to use) Shakespearian quotes, expressions and the like to add spice to or otherwise liven up our speech and writing, if only to be seen as an educated, informed, well read actor on the stage of the reality we must live in, or perhaps to convince someone, a potential wife or husband perhaps, of good socio-economic status and well-groomed breeding?
Now you should know that, in my humble opinion, what we know of Shakespeare suggests that he'll be a reluctant guest and an unwilling participant in any onstage, on-air or "for-the-record" print reporting interview for which I'd have the temerity, pluck and courage to propose to him. We can deduce this in only the most speculative of ways from what historical and scholarly records there are available to us, which indicate that Bill was known by his contemporaries to be a rather unassuming, self-effacing and quite simple fellow who never forgot his rural English roots and relatively humble country village origins. Unlike many greats who have an ego more expansive than the total volume of helium to be found in Jupiter, it seems that Shakespeare felt no compunction at all about feeding his own - at least not unless it served to earn him a living, care for and feed his family, and promote his many theater company and other business interests.
There's another point that needs to made, which is the fact that even randomly selected high school students from anywhere around the world are certain to have heard of and understand the weighty contextual significance bound up with the name "Shakespeare". It's a fact that tells us that Bill has not only managed to transcend space and time by retaining a popularity and public profile as prominent today as it was in Elizabethan times, but he's also managed to transcend the vast spaces of geography that girdle the globe and, even before the telegraph and radio made their appearance, pierced through the seemingly insurmountable physical barriers that had hitherto separated vast numbers of the world's population centers from one another, which had inhibited the free and fluid flow of literature across land and sea. In addition to all of the language barriers that took time for humankind to bring down, especially with the proliferation of translations of his work into all of the world's major languages, one must admit that Shakespeare's lasting appeal is a stupendously remarkable achievement that is a marvel in its own right.
More than being just another talented playwright who could craftily create compelling literature, Shakespeare went one better than anyone who either preceded or who has followed him by manifesting absolute perfection in application of a creative skill that marks for him a peerless place among the all-time luminaries of literature. Few would argue that Bill ranks at the top of the charts and is considered to be the best of the best because his number-one ranking is based on his having been the most imaginative, creative, prolific, compelling and original-and, crucially, to have withstood the test of time. It is in these ways that Bill has rightfully earned his moniker as the greatest playwright and dramatist of all time.
Of course this in and of itself doesn't even touch on or mention his unequaled command of the English language. It's Shakespeare's contributions to the English speaking world, and to the wider community of mankind, that his greatness can best be understood as so much more far-reaching in scope than his literary accomplishments alone. He not only managed to single-handedly transform the English language into one that would forever be dynamic, ever more hungrily pursuing assimilation of so many thousands of loan words and phrases from other languages into its lexicon-but he also, with his wholesale creation of new words, phrases, idiomatic expressions, and sentence constructions, gave new shades of meaning, connotation, depth and dimension across the entire spectrum of our inextricably linked linguistic and literary English-language landscapes.
Shakespeare is my hands-down, number-one choice for a one-hour interview. In my humble opinion, he stands out as the greatest intellectual giant the world has ever known, though one that continues to lurk in the shadows because we know so precious little about him. He is, as was Hippocrates long before him, one of history's most mysterious and baffling enigmas. Millions have read his works, seen his plays and discussed his significance in so many diverse contexts such that - great or small - most of humankind has been touched and influenced by the mind of this remarkable man. In our times, in fact, we've even been privileged by technologies that have allowed us to enjoy Shakespeare's works on the big screen at the box office, on a small screen at home using VHS or DVD player, and even online with access to countless popular Internet movie download sites. Many of us even went to see "Shakespeare in Love" a few years ago, and did so without necessarily knowing much if anything at all about the man's private life or personal affairs, which should have prompted us to ask, either before going into the cinema or exiting after the film, exactly what or whom it was that the great bard was actually enamored with. We remain clueless-bereft of any information at all-despite the nifty drama and perfervid acting performances that marked this film as one worth seeing for its sheer entertainment value, and sadly nothing more.
What we do know about Bill is apparent to us by examining his propensity for productive literary output, measured by the prodigious number of plays and sonnets he created over the course of his career. We also know that Shakespeare richly deserves his place as the undisputed all-time master of drama, and pre-eminent playwright-for no one with whom I've ever discussed him has denied that he's the greatest of his craft who ever lived.
Sure - all of that is fine and dandy, but we're still left holding an empty bag on answers as to who William Shakespeare really was as the man? How can the millions who've been touched by his genius reach out and get to know Bill, for better or ill?
All we really have in terms of the brass tacks of hard facts, unequivocal documentation and authoritative evidence-about his actual private, personal life-is what has been preserved in a litany of manuscripts, church records, official government documents, business transaction archives, historical records, the Washington, DC-based Shakespeare Society, and the like. But what do we have that's tangible and substantive in a way that sheds light on or tells us something we DON"T know about the 3-D color, heartbeat and pulse of this extraordinary man? How did his brilliant mind come to encompass such an encyclopedic knowledge of the world, and all of it executed in his works with such a razor sharp insight into the psychology, peculiarities and idiosyncracies of the human condition? Just exactly HOW did he manage to produce so many masterpieces—a million words or so of pure literary magic, which is a Herculean intellectual task by any measure? And just exactly HOW did he live, love, work and socialize, never mind all of the millions of other salacious details that would help to give us some pithy insights into the "real" Shakespeare's heart, mind and soul?
It's really high time for an interview, Bill...please open my card, and you'll straightaway see, that mine is a plain but polite plaintive plea - oh, and Bill, remember to R.S.V.P., about that interview...can it be or not be?
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